On Violence and Fear.

It seems like every day lately,there is some horrific story in the news from violent massacres in churches , death of and by policeman, bombings and beatings, and that's just in this country with our " guaranteed" freedoms of speech,religion and right to assembly,our innocence until proven guilty, our right to a trial by our "peers", and even a right guaranteed by the 9th Amendment which permits a person to decide what to do about their own health and bodies. And by person, I mean both men and -wait for it- women. We live in a country where the wealthy control the government,where the impoverished are maligned and denigrated, and denied the basic necessities of life,which include food, housing,healthcare and a living wage. We live in a world where skin color determines our treatment by courts, law enforcement  and even education. (Check out the special education classes in schools in NYC,and count the white faccs.)  It is a perfect environment for fostering fear. Fear of more violence. Fear of incarceration. Fear of the inability to sustain life on any meaningful level. Fear of reprisal for protesting the status quo,physically ,occupationally,and legally. Fear in this day and age of losing the right to have an abortion,even if you are 11, or a victim of rape,(a crime of Violence )or incest,( a crime of Violence and pathological  mental illness). Fear for the safety of your children . Fear of growing old without the means to support yourself. Fear of illness or the ability to pay for medication without health insurance. Fear of being gunned down in the street for carrying a toy gun,or for standing still with your hands up. Fear of the police departments who now have more armor and better firepower than some foreign nations.
 All legitimate fears. But there's something we should be more afraid of, and that is the stupidity of people who are getting it up the ass from the very people they support . The people who would rather look the other way as young black men are shot in the streets. Who blame people on welfare,those lazy drug addicts with too many children- hey they didn't get abortions,shouldn't you support those precious children?-for wasting their taxes. Can't they read? Don't they understand that the cost of Social Services, is a mere drop in the bucket compared to the tax evasion of the richest people in this country?That billions of dollars are awarded to unopposed bidders for military contracts to provide guns,planes,tanks etc. , and even the food clothing and shelter for our soldiers ,just to name a few of the billions the very rich are sapping us for? Do they not yet know

that the war in Iraq, which cost Trillions yes Trillions of dollars, was based on the lie that Iraq was building weapons of mass destruction ,when the real reason was to protect oil reserves? And on and on. That is my greatest fear, that we will be fucked,not just by the despicable billionaires who have bought out our government and don't give a damn about the rest of us, but by the rest of us, who don't seem able to see that we're damned.
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June 18 2015

Today is my son Christopher's birthday . He is 26 years old with the brain capacity of a 2 or 3 year old. He doesn't speak, except for a few quotes from movies he's seen or signs that he's read, or words he's prompted to use when we want him to ask for something he wants ("nobody has to make trouble. Is this a joke?,uncle frank, miss piggy. Or we say "I  want...",to which he rarely replies, or"I ..to which he responds,love you." He can read, but what he understands is anybody's guess. He seems to understand language, because he will do most things you ask him to do(close the door,let the dog in, go to the bathroom . But still after 20 odd years, he will stand in the shower without moving until I tell him to get the soap and wash off, and after that to rinse off. He likes to watch the same DVD over and over again(Sesame Street Old School Volume 3). I know it by heart. Things must occur in a specific order,in a special place with predictable outcomes. Certain foods must always be available ,and easily accessible (Cheerios,peanut butter,water ). If someone yells at the dog, or his needs are not met or his schedule has been disrupted , or his medication is wearing off , he sometimes has a full blown tantrum,even to the point of tears. Remember this is a 6 ft tall 185 lb. full grown man screaming and carrying on like a 2 year old .And there's not much you can do about it, except to wait for it to pass. The good things? He is gorgeous , and most of the time he is happy. He is gentle and loving, and is constantly kissing us. He knows who we are and is always excited to see us. He demands little,takes his medication without complaint, and lives most of the time in a group home,which he took to like a duck to water, 10 years ago. We bring him home on the weekends, and go see him  2 nights a week. I wouldn't trade him for anyone, but in my heart of hearts I wish he'd been dealt a better, less difficult life. Life is so short and so difficult when you don't have such a challenge , where you have all your faculties about you. How much more so when you can't ask for or communicate what you want or need. Or maybe when you don't even know what they are.
So Happy Birthday Christopher,my sweet love,and may the angels guide your way.