still december

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hello hello is there anybody out there? if i'm talking to myself that's okay too because i want to keep a journal of my life,such as it is. still depressed, living in a twilight world. i just got off the phone with the doctor who told me it would take awhile for the new drugs, theincreased dosage to kick in and who told me to try and enjoy christmas with my family and that she would see me again next week. it occurred to me that i may be holding on to my depression as a way of avoiding my life, as a way of making my self more interesting. . but even if that's true i still feel it, and can't shake it off like a wet dog shaking off the rain.no expectations says ian and you won't be disappointed ,but i don't want to live like that i want to have great dreams and expectations,and will take the inevitable disappointments if only i can climb out of this pit and learn how to dream again good night, merry christmas and may all our dreams come true,brigidtruetrue. see ya,brigid                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

december

hi y'all sorry it's been so long but i've been battling a serious depression, that's still hanging on. i used to suffer terribly from depression but i've been pretty good for awhile-until now. if you've never been seriously depressed it's hard to explain-it's physical and mental at the same time. it's debilitating and brutal and it makes you feel helpless and hopeless,like you'll never be happy again. everything seems to lose its meaning and things that you once loved seem useless,and the people that you love seem very far away. it's something you cannot control by keeping busy, or putting on a cheerful face, telling yourself to get over it and get on with life-it's just not that simple. you're suddenly standing on a precipice looking down, or held down beneath the ocean and you can't seem to breathe, or completely lost in a forest that's closing in on you, with no clue as to which way to go to get out. john lennon said "feel so suicidal even hate my rock and roll' and that's how i feel- i even hate my art and can't get motivated to do any thing much at all. i don't know why i'm feeling this way- i'd like to blame it on my side job which is sucking the life force out of me- certainly the art force because i'm finding it hard to do art piecemeal- i can't just turn it on and off like  a light bulb- i need to do it on a more consistent basis , but i don't think it's that simple. if i'm not depressed i can manage to do art and work at my job, not as much as i would like but it's okay. i hesitated about writing this because i wanted my blog to be upbeat, but i feel so down and don't know when i'll feel better so it's either post this or nothing .hopefully by the next time i write, i'll be feeling better.to infinity and beyond,brigid.

illicit post

• hi again- i know i'm not supposed to be doing this at work but i can't resist. it's too tempting. i got over feeling sorry for myself about my lack of readership- after all i'm doing this for me,really- and people reading it and commenting on it are just gravy. the whole point is to talk about life and art and joy and laughing about how funny life is and how we make fools of our selves on a daily basis. at least i do. i just went outside for a cigarette sneak and found a whole bunch of beautiful leaves i'm going to use on a new piece soon. it's really balmy out 60 or 70 degrees- i love it! although this year i'm kind of looking forward to winter- i hope to get outside and do a few plein aire pieces when it's really cold- i'm going to snip the fingers off a pair of old gloves and maybe build a bon fire- i'm dying to do a piece of sculpture to put in the backyard. i read somewhere that your surroundings should reflect who you are so i'm going to work really hard at getting my house in shape to project that. i think it's really important in all phases of your life-how you look and dress, what your home looks like how your studio is arranged so that eventually it will all come together. this is of course on top of all the other things i have to do-making art being the most important thing after my family, but little by little i'm going to make the other changes as well. i'm really psyched about this, even if it takes me the rest of my life to do it-after all what is living for if not to make an authentic statement of who you really are and how you present yourself to the world?does that sound too shallow? shouldn'i have nobler intentions?i do i do but this is the fun part-making your life a work of art and making our art reflect who you are n'est pas?

blogger blues

girl#1

girl#2

black and white collage

black and white collage

hello hello i've got the nobody reads my blog what am i doing this for blues-i don't know if my blog is too boring or if i'm not giving anything worth reading about but i haven't had a comment on my last 3 or 4 posts. what am i doing wrong? i'm still a novice at this but it's discouraging when you don't think anyone is reading the drivel that you write whether i'm excited or not. artistically i'm still working most days evenif it means jut a page or two in my journals. i'm also really turned on by Renoir at the moment and am trying a quasi-copy ofone of his paintings. his nudes are so luscious i want to lick them, and i love that the're all full figured gals, after spending half of my life gazing at anorexically skinny models in magazines. i'm at an exciting place in my work(art work) right now because i feel as if the skies the limit- i can paint anything i want to and skip back and  forth between realism and abstraction or combine them, and also use some mixed media elements in otherwise traditional oil paintings. playing with watercolours and acrylics are fun too  mostly because they dr so fast. i use them purel for sketching and journal pages- i haven't attempted a full scale painting in either medium yet. i've also started playing around wth polymer clay- i'm g0ing to try making some jewelry with it.ian(the fabulous lve of my life) also bought me some wire working pliers and things so more jewelry may be in my future works as well.BUT THE BIG NEWS IS-i've submitted a cd of my work and an artist's statement to the Art Lab in hopes of having a one woman show@ some time in the next year or so. the'll probably reject me, but nothing ventured ,noting gained. wish me luck.is there anybody out there? i keep reading about all thesw women who say their lives channged dramatically, and they met so many people from blogging but so far that has not happened to me. so if you're out there say hello so i don't feel like i'm talking to myself. cheers,brigid.

It's Been Too Long!!!!!

hi everyone(my lone reader sniffles)-it's been way too long since i wrote but that old problem life keeps getting in the way! but here i am cheerfully attempting to bridge the gap since i last wrote say 2 weeks ago. and what has been happening ? nothing much. just the old get up in the morning @5 a.m., shuffle off to work at my fake job(we all know that my real job is being an artist and writing this blog-which is why i don't want you to think that this is unimportant to me it really, really is -i love art and i love blogging, ) it's just that i've been trying to make art and exercise and cook healthy vegan dinners and iron clothes and take care of my husband and my kids and still get to bed before 10 because if i don't i'm a zombie and sometimes blogging takes me just a little too long because i want it to be good and heartfelt and interesting(even if it isn't- i do try hard.) i started taking my print making classes again on tuesday nights and the pictures that accompany this post shows you where i'm at on that front. i'm trying to make an etching based on my oldest sister's high school graduation picture. i have a long way to go and i don't know if i'll be successful but i thought i'd give it a go.well i may not be able to show you that as i'm typing this at fj(fake job) so i'lltry and do it tonight when i get home. etching is a very time consuming process -you don't just sit down and do an etching-there, are alot of really specific steps you have to follow from transferring an image oto a plate, covering it with something called hard ground, using a sharp stylus type instrument to trace the transferred image onto the plate through the soft ground, placing the plate into a vat of acid to bite the lines into the plate, cleaning the ground off the plate with mineral spirits and acetone, inking up the plate and wiping the excess ink off the plate in a 3 step process, soaking a sheet of paper in water and then blotting it dry with blotting paper and a rolling pin , placing your plate on the press ,placing the paper on top of the plate and finally running the plate and paper through the press to get your first glimpse of your handiwork a working print called a "state", and then figuring out what you have to do next with the plate, which usually means doing the whole process over two , three or a gazillion more times til you get what you want to achieve,or as close as you can to the prize. only after you've gone through multiple states is the plate ready to pull an actual print on good paper and only after you become good and consistent enough at inking and wiping the plate,are you ready to pull an edition - multiple copies of the same plate that look pretty much identical. i haven't reached that stage yet as i am a woefully poor inker and wiper, but the whole business is really a whole lot of fun and kind of thrilling.it's a long term investment of time and patience and very messy too. love it, and love the people i've met in the class who are very supportive and helpful and good fun- and ready with feedback that is both helpful and encouraging.my instructor pat is very patient with me and to be honest has done more work on my current plate than i have.well i was only able to post one of the pictures i wanted to due to lack of time.until we meet again.

happiness

hi there- i've been trying to think of what to blog about and it  occurred to me that happiness is something that i never get tired of hearing about- that and gratitude that i have so much,and that i have so much to share about. i'm happy. not sad, not lonely, not depressed, not wishing i was someone else doing something else, but just happy to be who i am, doing what i'm doing. right now i feel as if i have everything i'll ever need, and if i had to wish for one thing it would be more time- time to spend with my family, more time for making art and exploring my creativity,reading my books ,writing and working on all of the projects i've been dying to try my hand at. don't get me wrong i wouldn't mind having a few things that would make my life easier- a bigger studio, someone to clean the house and take care of the dogs a shiny new jeep to travel around town in.but while these things would be nice,they are not essential- i am grateful to to have my little studio all to myself,grateful to be able to afford most of the supplies i need, and if i can't get them right away, i can just wait until i can afford it.i am so very grateful to the art lab for giving me a scholarship so i can afford to take another semester of printmaking(more on that later), which i'm really enjoying right now. if anything i have too much-too many ideas, too many projects i can't wait to get to, too many supplies i can't wait to use. so right now my cup is ever so full and i'm ever so happy and grateful for all that i have . my biggest problem is what i should do next!! more on all that later my thanks to the universe for making my life so full and so deeply rewarding,my thanks to you for listening,and as my daughter says peace out. lovely!!

Slowing down

Hello-i'm not sure what this post is going to be about-usually i have had some event happen in my life, or i've read or thought about something i want to share about, but today i'm not sure about what i'm going to say or what pictures i'm going to post.it's october: september seemed endless and would not go away,together with 90 degree heat-today it's chilly real fall weather and with the change in weather comes a change in me, and in my intentions: i want to slow down. all summer i seemed to be so busy, involved in art classes,e-classes, art challenges,lots of painting and drawing,lots of deadlines,lots of work.and even though i loved it while i was doing it i seem to have reached a time and place where i need to step back a little and think about what i want to do next and maybe spend some time not doing anything at all, so i can figure out what direction i want to go in and start again with gusto and conviction that this-whatever it is is the best way to use my time right now;that i'm doing what i need to do to move forward along my creative path and in my life as it is right now, as the year draws to a close. i want to sleep-i can't get enough of it, i want to curl up in my blankets and sleep for 8,9,10 hours a night. i want to read books and write in my journal with nothing more profound to say than it's such and such a day,and i did this and thought that. i want to take walks along the beach with my. husband and talk to him and listen to him talk to me, about nothing in particular-what happened at work, what we've been thinking about, sharing stories and reminiscing, laughing about life,loving each other as we put in our daily miles, making dinner together and reading or sketching alittle before i have to go to bed and sleep(yum), so i can get up at 5 to get to work every day. and at work i do just that-the work that needs to be done, with no time left over to read or do a little art or anything much that is not related to my winter job as a school nurse about as far wa from art as you can get. i did however get a scholorship to take another semester of printmaking at the art lab(thank you art lab people!!) so at least i will be doing that. and  yes i started another art journal, and have a piece in an art show at snug harbor, and am taking part though not as diligently as over the summer in two e-classes. but i don't feel as driven as i did all summer, at least for right now. so that's where i'm at and by next week it might change but for now you'll have to excuse me: it's 8:30 and it's almost time for bed.