i'm actually blogging two days in a row- wow maybe depression is good for my creative juices because i"ve been artjournalling like mad and n0w this. i'm really going to try and live as if because i don't know what else to do and christmas is 3 days away and after this i'm off for 10 days, so i have to just get into it. i haveto down load more of my work i keep forgeting to do that and i'm repeating myself. also have to take more photos too and post them in my blog and on facebook . will be putting a couple of paintings in the snug harbor open show in january. still haven't heard anything about my one woman show so it's probably not happening. oh well there's always next year. i'm thinking ahead so that's a good sign.when you're depressed you can't think beyond the next minute never mind the nextyear. i think ican ithink ican scale these scary walls, cut through these grasping tentacles,avoid the knashing teeth,the blade ready to disembowel me, and get to the other side where there is hope and pride and love and tenderness. where there is warmth and peace and companionship, instead of this dark friendless room full of spirits that want me to fail, to fall flat on my face, to feel lonely and sad and hopeless. instead i choose to enter the room full of laughter and joy and people who love me for who i am, not who iam not and will never be, who love me in spite of myself warts and all.
there is so much good in the world in i can only stay alert enough to find it
there is so much love in the world if i can let down the wslls and let it in
there is so much i can do if i only give myself the power to do it
there are so manythings i can accomplish if i give
myself perrmission to be free if i can concentrate on these things evn some of the time i just might make it out of this moraass.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
hello hello is there anybody out there? if i'm talking to myself that's okay too because i want to keep a journal of my life,such as it is. still depressed, living in a twilight world. i just got off the phone with the doctor who told me it would take awhile for the new drugs, theincreased dosage to kick in and who told me to try and enjoy christmas with my family and that she would see me again next week. it occurred to me that i may be holding on to my depression as a way of avoiding my life, as a way of making my self more interesting. . but even if that's true i still feel it, and can't shake it off like a wet dog shaking off the rain.no expectations says ian and you won't be disappointed ,but i don't want to live like that i want to have great dreams and expectations,and will take the inevitable disappointments if only i can climb out of this pit and learn how to dream again good night, merry christmas and may all our dreams come true,brigidtruetrue. see ya,brigid