Tuesday, December 7, 2010


hi y'all sorry it's been so long but i've been battling a serious depression, that's still hanging on. i used to suffer terribly from depression but i've been pretty good for awhile-until now. if you've never been seriously depressed it's hard to explain-it's physical and mental at the same time. it's debilitating and brutal and it makes you feel helpless and hopeless,like you'll never be happy again. everything seems to lose its meaning and things that you once loved seem useless,and the people that you love seem very far away. it's something you cannot control by keeping busy, or putting on a cheerful face, telling yourself to get over it and get on with life-it's just not that simple. you're suddenly standing on a precipice looking down, or held down beneath the ocean and you can't seem to breathe, or completely lost in a forest that's closing in on you, with no clue as to which way to go to get out. john lennon said "feel so suicidal even hate my rock and roll' and that's how i feel- i even hate my art and can't get motivated to do any thing much at all. i don't know why i'm feeling this way- i'd like to blame it on my side job which is sucking the life force out of me- certainly the art force because i'm finding it hard to do art piecemeal- i can't just turn it on and off like  a light bulb- i need to do it on a more consistent basis , but i don't think it's that simple. if i'm not depressed i can manage to do art and work at my job, not as much as i would like but it's okay. i hesitated about writing this because i wanted my blog to be upbeat, but i feel so down and don't know when i'll feel better so it's either post this or nothing .hopefully by the next time i write, i'll be feeling infinity and beyond,brigid.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry to read this... And also so empathetic... I have felt this way for the past two years. I try and pull myself up out of it, but keep slipping back. Lately it's gotten worse, due to things I'm having to deal with. Sadly, I no longer have the blogs to help me through... I'm worried about what will be shown to my daughter.

    I think your blog should encompass every facet of you. That's part of building relationships here. We all know you are delightful, and amazing artist, and highly intelligent... Now we know you are human too, and there isn't a person on the planet who can't relate to what you're going through. We've all been there before. People need to be able to reach out to other people through empathy. That's what makes blogging so great. Most want to help you. The trolls are just the trolls, and should be ignored. I never feed the trolls. I'd much rather take my "group therapy" in the form of blogging. I've made amazing friends here. I'm glad to be able to count you among them.