Wednesday, December 22, 2010

december with a little bit of jauary

i'm actually blogging two days in a row- wow maybe depression is good for my creative juices because i"ve been artjournalling like mad and n0w this. i'm really going to try and live as if because i don't know what else to do and christmas is 3 days away and after this i'm off for 10 days, so i have to just get into it. i haveto down load more of my work i keep forgeting to do that and i'm repeating myself. also have to take more photos too and post them in my blog and on facebook . will be putting a couple of paintings in the snug harbor open show in january. still haven't heard anything about my one woman show so it's probably not happening. oh well there's always next year. i'm thinking ahead so that's a good sign.when you're depressed you can't think beyond the next minute never mind the nextyear. i think ican ithink ican scale these scary walls, cut through these grasping tentacles,avoid the knashing teeth,the blade ready to disembowel me, and get to the other side where there is hope and pride and love and tenderness. where there is warmth and peace and companionship, instead of this dark friendless room full of spirits that want me to fail, to fall flat on my face, to feel lonely and sad and hopeless. instead i choose to enter the room full of laughter and joy and people who love me for who i am, not who iam not and will never be, who love me in spite of myself warts and all.
there is so much good in the world in i can only stay alert enough to find it
there is so much love in the world if i can let down the wslls and let it in
there is so much i can do if i only give myself the power to do it
there are so manythings i can accomplish if i give
myself perrmission to be free if i can concentrate on these things evn some of the time i just might make it out of this moraass.

1 comment:

  1. Merry Christmas. I'm sitting alone at home, reading blogs. I was supposed to have my daughter over the holiday, but as usual, the ex cut my time short. I know this deep depression you speak of. I live with it every day. Every minute.

    I hope that there is a light at the end of my endless tunnel. I know there is for you. You have a wonderful outlet, many of them in fact; blogging, art, life. I had to delete my blog, as it was used against me in court just recently. I have been censored, shut up, had everything I've ever lived for taken from me. I know that sounds like self pitying drivel, but it's in my head all the time. It's my reality.

    Treasure your marriage and your life and your kids. It's everything. You have amazing talent and you are a wonderful, beautiful woman who is loved far and wide, even in Florida. Allow yourself to feel. Do something good for yourself. You deserve it. Love yourself, we all love you. I miss you, Brigid.