still december

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hello hello is there anybody out there? if i'm talking to myself that's okay too because i want to keep a journal of my life,such as it is. still depressed, living in a twilight world. i just got off the phone with the doctor who told me it would take awhile for the new drugs, theincreased dosage to kick in and who told me to try and enjoy christmas with my family and that she would see me again next week. it occurred to me that i may be holding on to my depression as a way of avoiding my life, as a way of making my self more interesting. . but even if that's true i still feel it, and can't shake it off like a wet dog shaking off the rain.no expectations says ian and you won't be disappointed ,but i don't want to live like that i want to have great dreams and expectations,and will take the inevitable disappointments if only i can climb out of this pit and learn how to dream again good night, merry christmas and may all our dreams come true,brigidtruetrue. see ya,brigid